Ep 27 | The Real Reason You Feel Behind (Even With a $200K Salary)

You’ve got the job. The income. The apartment. Maybe even the mortgage. So why do you still feel behind?

In this episode of The F Word, Priya unpacks one of the most common—and confusing—feelings shared by high earners: the nagging sense that no matter how much you make, it's still not enough. If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, “I make too much money to feel this out of control,” you are not alone.

Spoiler: You’re not bad with money. You’ve just never been taught how to manage it with intention. But that changes now.

Tune Into This Episode to Hear:

• Why your six-figure income won’t solve your financial anxiety without a strategy

• Common signs you're winging it financially (and how to take back control)

• The surprising difference between “feeling behind” and actually being behind

• How to build a financial system that supports your version of success

Follow Priya Malani:

LinkedIn | Instagram | Youtube | Stash Wealth

THE STUFF OUR LAWYERS WANT US TO SAY: Stash Wealth is a Registered Investment Advisor. Content presented is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended to make an offer or solicitation for any specific securities product, service, or strategy. Consult with a qualified investment adviser (that's us) before implementing any strategy. Investing involves risk, including the loss of principal. Past performance does not guarantee future results. There…we said it.

Transcription

The turning point for most people is this:
I make way too much money to not feel in control of it.

The best way to stop feeling behind is to get in control of your money.
How do you get in control of your money?

Hey guys. Welcome back to The F Word, the podcast for high earning 30-somethings who are tired of winging it with their money.

Today we're talking about a feeling that comes up a lot.

You've got a six-figure salary. You are hitting milestones. From the outside, it looks like you're doing everything right.

And yet you still feel behind—like everyone else got the manual, and you're sort of faking it.

Today's episode is about why that happens, what's really going on beneath the surface, and how to move from self-doubt to financial clarity.

Alright, let's get into it.

I wanna start by talking about why doing well doesn't always feel like enough. When I started this business, I was working with doctors—like surgeons—people who were making boatloads of money. They were young, they were still early in their career, but that's how that works. You graduate residency and you come into a shit ton of money, and...

I always sensed a feeling of them waiting for more. Like there's more that's gonna come. No matter how well they were doing from like any external, any objective measure, I could sense that for them it didn't quite feel like enough.

Which begs the question—is there ever an "enough"?
Will we ever feel like we're doing well enough, making enough money, have enough happiness, stuff, right?

Because that's what it really boils down to. If you're listening to this podcast, you're likely making six figures. You're in your thirties, you're crushing it in every aspect of your life—but something feels like if you had more, then you'd feel like you could call yourself satisfied, be able to do the things you want to do, feel financially free, whatever that is.

And there's a real disconnect there, right? Because many of us are earning way more than our parents ever did, and somehow we don't feel secure. That's the other word I hear a lot—"I don't feel safe, I don't feel secure, I don't feel like it's enough."

So let's talk about why. Why do we see this in highly ambitious, high-achieving people who've essentially checked all the boxes?

Great job, impressive title, maybe even a mortgage—and yet they still feel behind.

These people—I wanna make this so clear—are not bad with money. That's not a thing. And if you've heard me talk, you know that I do not believe anybody can be quote "bad with money." It's simply that you've never been taught what to do with your money. But that’s it. The gap between where you wanna be and where you're at is just a little bit of know-how.

And that should be encouraging, right? Because we do approach most other areas of our life through learning. If we don't feel like our health is the best, we go learn how to make it better. If we don't feel like we have the right gym routine, probably go on Instagram and figure out—I was looking at squats the other day.

I've been doing squats my whole life, but I still don't quite feel like I'm doing them well enough.

You've been handling money your whole life, but you haven't been taught how to handle it well.

Now, let's talk about another very big issue that we all fall victim to—which is the comparison trap, right?

The comparison trap is so real.

The amount of times in a day that we are bombarded with an aesthetic or a lifestyle or a seemingly higher level of accomplishment than what we feel like we're able to achieve despite making good money—we're constantly bombarded with comparing ourselves to others.

Friends posting a new house. Fancy job. Vacation number 12 this year.

That one cousin who's already maxed their 401k and is now buying an investment property. Passive income. Why aren't you that smart? Why aren't you doing those things? You should be able to do that too.

In your thirties, that pressure—that pressure of achieving various milestones—hits hardest.

No matter how ambitious you are, no matter how hard you're hustling, no matter how many promotions you've gotten, you still feel behind because everywhere you look, you're comparing yourself to somebody who seemingly is doing better.

I'll tell you a real client story. There was a consultant I was working with who was making around $270,000 a year—solid income.

She said to me, "I don't feel like an adult when it comes to my money. I don't feel like I know what I'm doing. In fact, I know I don't know what I'm doing."

And she wasn't even in terrible shape. But she had told herself, I'm bad with money.

So I'll tell you this: I don't care if you're making $270K or $370K or $470K—your income will not solve your financial anxiety if you don't have a strategy. Period. End of story.

The best way to avoid the comparison trap is to get super clear on what your values are, what you wanna accomplish, and then build a strategy to accomplish it.

Then, it doesn't matter what anybody else is doing. It only matters that you are on track for what matters to you.

Okay, and now let's talk about what "behind" actually means, right?

You feel behind—what does that mean? Behind what?

Is it about the numbers? Is it about how much you can afford? Is it about how big your house is? Is it about how many cars are in your driveway?

How do you know you're not behind?

Like what does that mean?

I'll tell you this: feeling behind is less about the numbers, less about what you have to show for it, and more about just not having a clear plan.

I see it all the time. Taking people from winging it to having a plan makes all the difference.

So how do you know if you're winging it?

Like maybe you're contributing to your 401k, maybe you're matching, maybe you have a Roth IRA—but you still feel behind, despite high income.

Are you still winging it?

Here are some signs that you're winging it:

• You might be winging it if you're Googling financial advice or even following Instagram and TikTok accounts, but you're just consuming. You're never acting on it.

• Here's another one: you ignore the accounts you don't understand.
  "I have an IRA, I think... dunno what's in it."
  Usually we see it's still sitting in cash. If you have an account that you're just turning a blind eye to, you are just winging it. You are leaving it up to chance.

• Another one: if you're over-saving in one area, but under-saving in another, you're winging it.

How do you know that you're saving in the right spot?

We see so many high earners that have stuffed their 401k to the brim—literally for a decade—have so much locked away in this account that they cannot touch until they're later in life. 59 and a half.

And yet they have zero cash reserves on hand—for a down payment, or if they wanna take a sabbatical and leave their job, or if they wanna upgrade their travel, take more trips.

There are so many reasons why you need cash on hand and need to save for things outside your 401k.

That leads me to the number one mistake we see most high earners make—which is over-saving in their retirement account.

Another story for another day.

So those are just a few signs that you might be winging it.

The turning point for most people is this:
I make way too much money to not feel in control of it.

The best way to stop feeling behind is to get in control of your money.
How do you get in control of your money? Create a plan.

And the last thing I wanna touch on is redefining success.

You need to figure out what success will look like for you. Don't define it by what other people are doing.

What will make you happy?

Because I have one person who I'm thinking of who was so convinced that buying a home was gonna be the key to success. Tried to talk him out of it, because it was so clear he prioritized other things and was kind of a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of person. But his parents had told him, success is—you own a home.

So he bought one. It was right outside of LA. And as soon as he closed, he felt trapped. Claustrophobic, even. He was tied. He was completely locked into a situation that was the opposite of his MO. The opposite of the flexibility and the freedom that he had lived his life with.

So first, decide what you want. Define success between you—you and your partner.

You need to know what you want. To see, to do, to accomplish, to experience, to buy, right?

Like, what will it look like—by your standards, not anyone else's.

A great place to start is simply defining what success means for you.

What will make you feel like you have enough?

It’s crazy, because without really thinking about it, it's so easy to default to what everybody else thinks.

Like, "Oh, when I can own a car in the city..." And I—I had that one. I was like, "Oh, I really wanna own a car in Manhattan."

I don't even drive that much. I don't even go that many places.

It is so much smarter for me to rent a car when I need it than to actually own one and pay for the time it's just sitting in a garage—which, for those of you in New York, you feel my pain. In FiDi, it's upwards of $800 a month.

That’s—that’s not what I value. I do not value storing a car in a garage.

I mean, many people would say, "Oh, she has a car in Manhattan—like, so, so successful."

Yeah, I mean for some people that is their definition of success. But to me—is that really my definition of success?

And only once we're truly forced to sit down and think about it—not forced, I hope it's fun, have fun with it—can you actually ever feel like it's enough.

So get clear on your goals. Not society’s. Not social media’s. Not your friends’. Not your siblings’. Not your parents’.

And then it will become so much easier to build a financial system that supports your version of success—where you can use your income as a tool.

Because otherwise, I've seen it a thousand times:
Your money, your promotions, your income will keep going up...
And you'll never feel successful.
You'll never feel like it's enough.

You have to get clear on what you care about and what your definition of "enough" is.

It's so surprising how personal that is.

Every time I think of an example of a client—one of my favorite ones was a client who said:
"If we're traveling by plane over three hours, we are upgrading to first class."
Love that one.

I would've never thought of it. And I don't see that on Instagram. But they sat down, they thought about it as a couple, and they said:
"Every time we travel, if the trip is over three hours, we wanna be able to upgrade."

What a flex. Their version.

That's for them. I actually put that into my stash plan too, because I think it—it resonated for me. Because I loved it.

Get creative. Make it yours.

I can think of another client who planned for—it was like $40,000 in annual travel.

Cool. They were still on track for an early retirement.

Because they had decided what was enough for them, what they wanted, what their goals looked like, and then we created a clear plan to get them on track.

I can think of another couple who skipped homeownership altogether, and instead they launched a business together.

Imagine taking $100,000 that you were gonna put into a home and putting it into something that you wanna build with your best friend.

You may not need the house. Once you get clear on what you need—that’s what I find.

A lot of the socially accepted milestones fall away. They become meaningless when you start deciding what is meaningful to you.

I hope you're nodding along.
And if you are, and wondering why your six-figure income comes with stress, confusion, never feeling like it's enough…

I promise it’s not you.

You’re not behind. You’re just ready for a better way to manage your money.

And I would be so grateful if you would share this episode with a friend who is doing well, but still feeling kind of lost.

If you're ready to stop winging it and start building real wealth, please hit follow, like, subscribe, comment—all the things.

We’re so excited to build this show out for you.

Alright, thanks for listening to The F Word.

See you next time.